I love this toilet seat so much I wrote a poem about it.
A Toilet Seat Poem: When people say be kind to yourself, They are remiss to tell you how. It's more an overarching 'vibe', Than something grounded in the now. But there is more to life than Yoga, Or a mindfulness retreat, If you want to practice self-care - Buy yourself a toilet seat. You see a toilet is more than just a place to empty your intestines, It's a safe space. It's a haven. It is somewhere to invest in. It's where I have my best ideas, It's where I catch up on the news, Epipha-wees, E-poo-phanies, I'll later share with you. No matter how stressful my day, I'll take a moment to compose, During lockdown it's the only place, Where I can be alone. And so I'm all for scented candles, But for something more concrete, If you truly want some me time, Buy yourself a toilet seat. I considered glow in the dark , For midnight trips without the light on. I looked for one with fish in it, Then thought those fish might end up frightened. Instead it's graphite grey. MDF. Soft closing with the hinge. It's like a sensei bidding you farewell ,When you have done your thing. It is amazing. It has revolutionised working from home. In that moment I'm Khaleesi, Sitting on the iron throne. The next time that you've been well behaved, And you deserve a treat, Remember chocolate melts. And flowers die. Just buy a toilet seat. Think of how much you spend on sofas, And which one you will use more, Although of course it's less kosher, To ask to try it out in store. And while £60 may seem a lot, To go and spend a penny, After the first 6000 times, You've made it back already. So if you think it's not considered, Or it's just an impulse buy, I guarantee you this decision is, One I'll sit with my whole life. It's not something you'll find on instagram, Or in a pithy tweet, But if you truly give a damn, Buy yourself a toilet seat. Do you really need that spa day, Or that holiday in Crete?